My Parents are better than Your Parents?

My Parents are Better than Your Parents:
It never ceases to amaze me the lengths mom’s & dad’s go to impress each other. No matter the sport, school activity or organization, let’s admit it, we all know parent or even worse a couple that is constantly trying to raise the bar of child development and parental involvement.

In sports these parents are really easy to spot, their the one’s wearing the matching team jersey with their kids first name across the shoulders, they bring “healthy” snacks for time-outs and post game re-fueling, and their kid is twelve and hasn’t ever had a soda or as they call it the “beverage of demons”.

Their Mercedes SUV is painted in team colors and to your knowledge has never seen rain. The back of the “Cleaver-mobile” is adorned with my kid is super smart like me stickers and has the family crest pinstriped next to the picture of their Labrador Retriever.
Their lawn chairs are monogrammed, they snack from a Pier 1 picnic basket, sneaking little high-end sips of wine, because we don’t have a problem and wine doesn’t count as drinking.
They behave as long as the team is winning, but god forbid if they are behind or losing, their fangs sprout like weeds after a good rain and they begin to cry foul until the referee realizes they are really good friends with his boss.

At school activities they constantly let everyone parent within three miles know they attended an ivy league school and were never given a break but by shear luck work for good old dad-in-law. They have turned down several better offers, and constantly try to convince everyone that the family business really does interest him.
If their son or daughter has anything less than 100% at parent/teacher conferences, they will first attempt to bribe the teacher with expensive Christmas gifts and if “dumb-ass” juniors grades don’t quickly improve they will head for the principals office demanding that every teacher in the school be replaced.

In organizations like Boy Scouts this is the dad that buys the million dollar motor home for field trips. Offers to take the entire troop fishing or hunting buts keeps things very civilized.
He brings the hired help to clean the fish and bait the hooks and makes damn sure everyone has a good time. His son must approve of the other kids, otherwise he may attempt to have them transferred to another troop.

He is a true leader, at least until the sun goes down, as darkness approaches his stories get a little shorter and you see him twitch at every little noise, firmly holding his designer mace with the turbo range trigger he purchased online at Eddie Bauer. Com.
But in all fairness I too am easy to spot at all of the same affairs.
At sporting events I’m rooting for all the kids and appreciate any gifted athlete, I usually drink 3-4 beers during the event but go to the car and chug-a-lug during time-outs, and I am usually sitting on the ground cause I left the good chairs in my ex-wife’s car.
At school activities I keep my A.A. degree to myself as not to intimidate other parents and I’ll take any letter grade that will keep my kid truckin onto the next school year.

You’ll never see me at Boy Scouts because if by chance I ever win the lottery I’ll buy my own motor home, take my own kid fishing, and all without the company of the Pedophile “Group Leader”.